Skip to main content

100 Years Ago Today, WWI Officially Began

100 years ago today, the entire world literally decided to kill each other. That's how pissed off they were with each other. They were even more pissed off than the average teenager after they just realized that their Xbox Live connection was lagging. 

But seriously, this marks the centennial anniversary of the day the most sophisticated and developed nations in the world succumbed into savagery. These were supposed to be the noblest of men - the war effectively killed Enlightenment thought. 

While Hitler stole the show in World War II, people often forget how massive the first world war was. Here are some helpful reminders: 

It Was Supposed to Scare the Living Shit Out of Everyone 

WWI was called the "War to End All Wars" for a reason. After the devastation that occurred, most people weren't worried about another war because they literally thought that no one would be stupid enough to start this shit all over again. And then of course came this guy.

The Biggest Empires In the World Fell

While they did eventually return to prominence, empires like Germany, Russia and France were never the same again and many nations were hurt in ways that would hurt them in the long term (think of the last time you thought of Germany or France as a dominant power in the world - pre WWI, they relative power was in lines with what the United States is today). 

It Turned America Into a Force 

The United States always seem to be at the forefront of global issues. They are arguably the most powerful and rich nation in human history (and most definitely in the world at the moment). Basically, shit doesn't usually go down without the U.S. being involved in some way. 

Now imagine a world where that is not the case. A world where the U.S. is just some country - strong and wealthy, but nothing special. This may have been the case if not for WWI. The war devastated Europe and it hurt several powerful nations economically, giving the U.S. a leg up as it raced to the top in terms of wealth. It also pushed the U.S. out into the spotlight and established its role as a global force with the League of Nations business and Woodrow Wilson and whatnot. 

It Sowed the Seeds for WWII 

Besides slapping the entire world with its dick, WWI also eventually gave birth to WWII (which would proceed in the dick slapping). Germany was punished severely and the economic impact led to some poor decision making, a piss poor economy, social unrest….basically, all of this eventually adds up to Hitler. 

WWII obviously had a massive impact on the world itself and a lot of horrible shit happened as a result (cough* Holocaust *cough*Japanese Internment Camps *cough* A fucking Atomic Bomb). Besides vaulting the world into Cold War hysteria and giving birth to the Nuclear Age (i.e. weapons that could blast yesterday's burritos out of your intestines in a second)…and yeah, that's pretty horrible in its own right. Nothing else to add here. 

World War I May Have Been Caused…By A Sandwich 

All of this war shit basically started with the assassination of the Archduke of Austria, Franz Ferdinand (it's a bit more complicated than that, but the details mess up this story, so screw the facts!). Long story short: there were these Serbian dudes trying to kill him. After a failed grenade toss at him (such rookies), Gavrilo Princip (the guy trying to put a bullet up Ferdinand's ass) decided to get a sandwich at a nearby cafe to perhaps help ease the humiliation of such a failure. 

And the story goes that while Gavrilo was sulking in his delicious Ham & Swiss, Ferdinand just happened to drive by the sandwich shop. Gavrilo stepped outside, shot him, and the rest is….sandwich history. 

So, uh….fuck that sandwich, I guess. 

Up Until Recently, There Were Living Veterans of WWI 

What does that mean? That means that some person fought in WWI (at a young age - probably about 18), survived that shit, had people reassure him that this was the biggest war that would ever happen, wait 20 years for an even bigger clusterfuck of a war to occur, experience the Holocaust and all types of crazy shit, witness the detonation of the most dangerous weapon of man's making, survive that shit, live through the Cold War - a time of constant fear of nuclear warfare that would wipe out the human population, survive that shit, and then live today to witness shit like the rise of Justin Bieber and the popularization of My Little Pony. 

Those guys and gals have seen some serious shit is what I am trying to say. 

So goodbye WWI. You're 100 years in the rearview mirror, but hopefully, we've learnt some lessons from you (HINT: We probably haven't). 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How Big Is a Million, Billion and Trillion?

Millons, billions, trillions - we've heard it all, but do we really understand them? Most people know that a trillion is bigger than a million for example, but just how big is the difference really? How about we find out!? Time  Here'a a neat exercise. Without doing any math or calculations, I want you to try to guess how long it was 1 million seconds ago….Okay, got a number in your head? The answer is: 11. 52 days  Hmmm…interesting. But here's the better part. Now that you know how long it was 1 million seconds ago, I want you to guess at how long it was a billion seconds ago…Got it? What did you guess? A month or two? Well, it turns out the answer is: 32 years  Wow! I don't know about you, but I really underestimated that one. If you're under 32, that means you haven't even existed for a billion seconds…and yet, a million seconds was less than two weeks ago. Okay, now that we know that, let's do the same for a trillion. Take a guess…The answ...
Post a Comment
Read more

6 Weird Animal Defence Mechanisms

There are approximately 8.7 million species on Earth! With that big of a number, you're bound to find some very interesting ones with some very peculiar methods of defending themselves. Humans may have guns and weapons, but most people have nothing on these guys… 6. Frog Breaks Its Own Bones To Stab Enemies  When threatened by predators, a particular type of frog, commonly known as the "Hairy Frog", uses quite the unorthodox method indeed. It has the ability (and audacity) to break its own toe bones  and then push them out of his skins. This frog will then use these sharp bones sticking out its feet as little swords to stab its enemy. Some scientists believe that the frog is able to bring the bones back into his body for healing with its muscles…either way, this frog is pretty crazy.  5. Opossums Play Dead…For Real! We've all heard of the old trick of "playing dead". You're supposed to lay there, secretly pretending to be dead until yo...
1 comment
Read more

8 Arguments Against A Personal God

In this article, I'm going to outline a few "arguments" (they're more like things that seem to contradict a personal god or that make its existence illogical, but whatever) against the existence of a "personal god". But first, what is a personal god? Well, when people say they believe in a god, they mean very different things. Some believe in a deistic god (i.e. some sort of greater force that essentially pushed the start button for the universe, but plays no role in anything after that - he's basically not really there). I am NOT arguing against this kind (maybe in another piece…). The type of god I'm arguing against is the type that I think most "religious" people believe in. These are a list of criteria that make a personal god (in my opinion): Assumptions : 1. This god personally cares about human affairs  2. This god can experience emotions (ex. he "loves" you and "cares" about you)  2. This god created t...
2 comments
Read more